???

I've noticed something about myself lately. I've noticed that I have been impatient. I'm not just talking about little things like waiting for dinner or waiting for someone to answer a question I ask, I'm talking about the big things. Things like deciding on if I want to go to a local college for a History major, or when I will find a job, or even for the year to go by quickly so my big trip will be here. I have been so consumed with my many thought and questions that I don't think I've really been giving God the chance to speak very clearly to me. I just need to be quiet long enough to listen.
Today, I was very angry. It was something small with Bee. Not a fight really. Just a change in plans. I was so angry! I went to the barn to get some things done before the show tomorrow, and I was grumbling to myself about how everything seems to be in a jumble. There was no one there except for my dad, and he was mowing. I finally paused in what I was doing and said, "God! I just want to know what to do! Why is everything so complicated?!" I went back to work, not as angry anymore, just impatient. I felt a small tug at my heart.
Patience.
I didn't really want to hear that, but I knew He was right, of course. He always is. I sighed deeply.
It still didn't change the fact that I wanted clear answers about what to do and when I'd finally find a job.

I continued to help my dad with different things on the property. Praying silently most of the time.

I'm still thinking and wondering. I'm still trying to be patient. There are so many things all of us would like to have clarity on when we want it, but we just need to have some patience...

Love,